IFS Therapy: Going Slow, Staying Curious & Safe
In this episode, John Clarke answers live questions about the nuances of practicing Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, from distinguishing parts with shifting emotions to working with clients who experience limited interoception or sudden activation. He explores why IFS and trauma therapy require slowing down, following the client’s system, building a clear working agreement, and protecting client agency rather than rushing into techniques or trauma processing.
Key takeaways:
Why a part can hold many different emotions and why you don’t need to force parts into fixed categories.
What to do when clients experience their parts differently, including limited access to bodily sensations.
Why slowing down, following the client’s lead, and creating safety may matter more than rushing into IFS techniques.
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Transcript:
John Clarke: [00:00:00] I think that's a big paradigm shift. I think we have it wrong in many regards in that way, and we're a little too eager to get in there and do a bunch of cool tricks
Going Inside is a podcast on a mission to help people heal from trauma and reconnect with their authentic self. Join me, trauma therapist John Clarke, for guest interviews, real-life therapy sessions, and soothing guided meditations. Whether you're navigating your own trauma, helping others heal from trauma, or simply yearning for a deeper understanding of yourself, Going Inside is your companion on the path to healing and self-discovery.
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Hey everyone, hope you're doing well John Clarke back here with another live. Thanks for being here. We've got some questions that have been pre-submitted, and of course, if you're here live, go ahead and submit your questions, and I'll get to those one by one. Um, let's get into it. [00:01:00] The first question is from Jess.
The question is, "If all parts hold a variety of emotions, how can we tell them apart? If we're talking to a protector and it suddenly feels sad, how do we know whether we're still with the same part?" Well, you would just ask if it's important. Um, don't get too hung up on any of this. Imagine if it is helpful that parts are like people, and people have lots of different emotions.
So it's not so simple as like the sad part is over here, the angry part's over here, and they're two different ones, and I got them, and I can put them down on my parts map, and they're set in stone. It's less like that. It's more nuanced, it's more fluid, it's more organic, right? So parts are like people, and people are capable of feeling lots of different things.
We're also capable of feeling two things at [00:02:00] once. At feeling happy and sad at the same time. Maybe at bittersweet or what have you. Um, so... And then in terms of, like, who we're with, who we're speaking to, which part we're with, um, when in doubt, just ask. You just ask. You know, are we-- Is this still-- are we still speaking with the angry part or the part that was expressing sadness or the four-year-old part or what have you?
Jess says, um, maybe a big question, but how do you work with clients who may have poor interoceptive possibility, possibly interception, possibly from being neurodivergent? Okay. So poor interception, meaning it's hard for them to experience what's inside and experience themselves somatically. Well, we-- similar to motivational interviewing where they say we roll with the resistance, in IFS, [00:03:00] we just work with their system, and we work with their system and their parts in however they experience their parts Whether that's visually or auditorily or, uh, somatically, what have you, or maybe all three.
Maybe they just hear from them, right? They just hear their parts. So as we're getting familiar with the model and with parts work, the key i- i- in the beginning is really just to massage the, um, the, the, the way in which they encounter and engage with their parts. No wrong answers Marina says, "When a client gets really activated all of a sudden in session how do you shift them to a resource without losing the connection to the part you were working with?"
Well, I would say it's kind of flipped. I would focus on helping them connect with the part they're working [00:04:00] with. And we might see that that activation is coming from or through that part. So we would want to be extra careful to try to maintain and really kind of, again, massage that, that connection Yeah.
So when a client gets activated in session, I don't immediately say, "Oh gosh, we've got to shift them to a resource." In other words, like we got to regulate them. In fact, I don't really-- I don't do, quote, "regulation." I don't do, um, like coping skills or deep breathing directly Because the fear is that kind of communicates to them and their parts, especially ones freaking out, that they need to calm down or relax or not be so dramatic, et cetera.
So if things are too much, it might be that we skipped a few steps already, and there were some warning signs along the way that we ignored that would have been helpful to see, like we're going a little too fast
So [00:05:00] maybe you were so focused on doing the model or doing IFS or doing the next thing that we forget to really tune in to the client in front of us, right? We forget to really, um, uh, be, yeah, be with them in that moment Yeah. It happens. The work has to be extremely slow, slower than either myself or the client would like Andrew says, "How do you handle it when a long-term client keeps saying they're fine and wants to space out in sessions, but you don't think they're actually ready for that?"
They're not ready to space out? I'm not sure I understand the question, but w-what, how, how do you handle it when a long-term client keeps saying they're fine? Well, there's only two possibilities. Either they are fine, and maybe the therapy doesn't need to continue, or they're not fine, but they're not quite ready to tell me about it or have me help [00:06:00] them.
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So in therapy, we have to have what's called the invitation, or I call the invitation. That's the client presenting their problem and inviting you in to help them with it. A lot of times clients are just showing you the problem, like, "Here's this thing. Here's this problem. Here's this problem. Look at this problem.
Here's what I know about this problem." And we're over here on the outside going, "Oh my gosh, for the love of God, help me. Let me help with the problem." Just 'cause the client has been there for 90 minutes or nine [00:08:00] weeks or nine months doesn't mean that you've got an invitation yet. It doesn't mean there's a solid working contract around what the problem is, what they wanna talk about today, and how they want you to help with it today So you never assume and you ask about it So on one hand, you mentioned you're fine.
On the other hand, I'm wondering what we work on, what you'd like to focus on, right? How I can help. How do you wanna be helped with this, right? Are you telling me about your grief just 'cause you want me to know about it or do you wanna work with it or do you wanna do EMDR or do you wanna, um, you know, stand on our heads for 90 minutes or what have you?
Therapy is about making the implicit explicit and that includes the working agreement
Yeah. Perhaps most importantly, the working agreement knowing that the working alliance is the most predictive factor of therapeutic outcomes across modality, years of experience, et cetera Okay, last question that I have here, unless there's any questions that are gonna come in live. [00:09:00] Tina says, "I have a client with a dissociative presentation who seems stable, and I'm wondering about starting trauma processing.
But part of me wonders if it's just a functional part holding it together." Yeah, it's similar to the original question. Just ask. Ask, "Are there any parts that are-- have concerns about this, about the work proceeding, about doing the processing work?" Really, you have to keep in mind, and everyone needs a big PSA right now, that trauma work is not just processing or reprocessing work.
Trauma work is not just about reliving the nightmares and the memories and the things that happened. Trauma work and being trauma-informed is contracting and going slow and creating safety and having an incredibly solid relationship that is the container and having [00:10:00] mutual respect for one another and having the client have tons of agency.
They choose when to proceed and how to proceed. They choose when and how to let you in or not let you in. Them being in the driver's seat is part of the healing vortex. Them not having agency and not being in the driver's seat is the trauma vortex So just letting them lead and being person-centered is trauma therapy.
IFS is simple but not easy. On the surface, it's about parts and self. But when you're in the room with a client, things can get complex fast. Helping someone meet a protective part or wounded exile, that takes skill, and most importantly, it takes safety. My name is John Clarke, trauma therapist and IFS therapist.
And in this free webinar for therapists and practitioners, we're gonna explore the subtleties that make IFS so powerful and how to navigate them with more clarity and confidence. You're gonna learn why safety is everything and how to do it [00:11:00] well, what trips therapists up when applying IFS in practice, and a simple tool that you can begin using right away.
If you wanna go beyond theory and truly embody the work, then this is for you. Join the free webinar today. Link is in the description.
I think that's a big paradigm shift. I think we have it wrong in many regards in that way, and we're a little too eager to get in there and do a bunch of cool tricks
Yeah. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast Either Peter Levine said that or he quoted that. Mm-hmm. But that's where I heard it. Okay. I hope you all have a great week. That's all the questions I've got for now. Um, if you're interested in working with me and working in, with trauma from an integrative perspective, then you should join Pathways to Self, my weekly consultation group.
You can join anytime, you can leave at any time, no commitment. Bring cases, work through them, get consultation, get connection, support from a small, tight-knit community. [00:12:00] Grow your IFS skills, grow your trauma therapy skills, your interpersonal process skills in therapy. It's a fun time. You can learn more at johnclarketherapy.com/pathways.
The link is in the description as always, and I hope you had a great week. Take care.
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