How to Work With Protective Parts & Build Safety in IFS Therapy
Going Inside LIVE: How to Work With Protective Parts & Build Safety in IFS Therapy
In this live Q&A episode, John Clarke dives deep into how to skillfully navigate protective parts in IFS therapy and why safety is the cornerstone of effective trauma work. You'll learn practical, real-world techniques to help clients unblend, access Self energy, and build trust with even the most entrenched protectors. Whether you're new to IFS or looking to refine your clinical skills, this episode is packed with insights, case examples, and therapist tools you can use right away.
🔑 Key Takeaways
The First Sign You’re Blended (and What to Do About It): John shares how body tension is often the first cue that a part has taken over — and how therapists can respond in the moment.
The Surprising Way to Introduce IFS in an Opening Session: Learn why guided experience often works better than explanation and how to help clients get curious about their own system.
What Real Insight Work Feels Like (vs. Just Talking About It): Discover the texture of true internal dialogue and how to tell when a client is genuinely engaging with their parts.
Resources & Offerings:
Download my Guide to Self-Energy for Practitioners - Get access here: https://go.johnclarketherapy.com/self-energy-guide-org
Free IFS Training for Therapists: From Burnout to Balance: https://go.johnclarketherapy.com/ifs-webinar-podcast
1-Month Grace Period with Jane – Use code JOHN or visit: https://meet.jane.app/john-clarke-ambassador
10% Off at Grounding Well – Use code GWJOHNCLARKE or visit: https://www.groundingwell.com/GWJOHNCLARKE
10% Off at Dharma Dr. – Use code JOHN or visit: https://dharmadr.com/JOHN
Connect with me:
https://www.johnclarketherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/johnclarketherapy/
https://www.tiktok.com/@johnclarketherapy
https://www.youtube.com/@johnclarketherapy
Transcript:
John Clarke: [00:00:00] Hey everyone. John Clarke here excited to bring to you the first episode of Going Inside Live. I've wanted to do this format of the show for a long time. I've always had the dream really of doing, um, like a listener call in show, um, because I just think it's really neat to make this content as relevant as possible to you and your lives and to your work.
Um, I do a lot of work with clinicians every week through my Pathways to Self program. That's where. I train, teach coach, um, and mentor clinicians who are wanting to deepen their work around trauma therapy, I-F-S-E-M-D-R, somatic experiencing, et cetera. So if you're interested in working with me in that capacity and being part of our weekly consultation group, uh, you can always learn more about pathways to self.
At johnclarketherapy.com for now, we're gonna start answering some questions and also you can and should submit your [00:01:00] questions here, um, in the comments. So I'm live on YouTube. Maybe you're listening to this, um, uh, uh, secondhand or, or after the fact. On Spotify or wherever, that's fine. But if you wanna catch these live, um, I'm gonna be doing these, um, uh, every week at this time.
I'll be outta town next week, but the next one will be on Tuesday, November 11th, at this time, 12 Pacific. So, um, yeah, let's get started. So if you've got a question, submit it there, um, in the comments on YouTube, and I can bring your questions up one by one. Um, or if you just wanna chat and react, that really makes this show, uh, more alive.
So that's really neat. If you wanna join me live on screen, on this stream, you can do that as well. Just email support@johnclarktherapy.com and my team will pull you on here live and we can talk through your questions. You could even work a case with me if you wanna do that. [00:02:00] Um, lots of ways for you to, you know, jump in and, and, and get some help in this, this format.
So let's get into the first question. This is from Rachelle. She submitted this ahead of time, and Rochelle says, how do you work with a client who can't or is not willing to connect with self-energy and only presents in a protective part? Well, um, first of all. Part of how we keep this work safe is we always work with protectors first and foremost.
This is kind of the IFS way, the IFS protocol. So if a protector is the first part you meet, then that would be pretty common and pretty typical. Then that's the part that you work with. That part is the boss, right? So you say, Hey boss, nice to meet you. Um. Help the client identify how they're feeling toward the part, and either you help them get curious toward the part which will [00:03:00] facilitate some unblending and getting to know the part.
And if they absolutely can't, then you might consider some direct access. Are you the therapist feeling curiosity toward the part? And if so, you might ask it some questions directly. Are you really curious about it? Do you really want to get to know it about its story? Its role, its fears around not doing its role.
Et cetera. Um, there's kind of two ways to, uh, get into self-energy. One is to, uh, kind of directly facilitate, um, self-energy. You might focus on the center of your chest. You might put a hand on the heart. You might imagine connecting with nature, or you might literally connect with nature. You might pray you might connect to a higher power.
You might look over at your dog. Or you might look at a photo of your child and just develop that love and that self-energy inside of you or in the center of your chest. And you might use that as a bridge to then send that [00:04:00] to the part of you that needs it. The other way is to effectively, um, just on blend directly, develop a little space between you and the part and uh, or ask it for space.
And when you do that. Parts tend to unblend and more self-energy, you know, kind of naturally emerges. Yeah, I hope that helps, Rachelle. Um, let's go to the next question. So what I wanna do is, yeah, I'm actually gonna be able to bring these questions from YouTube up on the screen just like this. Uh, and that looks pretty cool.
Pretty happy with this technology so far. Jill asks, can you walk through an opening session with IFS? How do you introduce this model? Yeah, this is a great question, Jill. So, um, there's a couple ways to introduce the model. One is if a client comes in and goes, oh my gosh, I just had this huge fight with my wife and I'm still super pissed off.[00:05:00]
I'm still super angry and I don't know what to do. I got really angry and then I, I also felt really bad for getting angry. You got a whole bunch of trailheads there. You got a whole bunch of potential parts that are already in the room, and you might just naturally invite the client to go toward one of those parts, right?
When you, would it be okay to focus on the part of you that got angry or the part of you that punched a hole in the wall as you do that client? What do you notice happening inside? What's happening in or around your body? What does this part of you look like, sound like, feel like? What images do you get?
Okay, you notice it in the center of your chest. What would it be like? Just to bring a hand there and let that part know, I'm, I'm here and I wanna get to know you. And that fight was really scary. So you, you might just kind of, um, help them experience the [00:06:00] model and then after the fact you might say, Hey, so this thing I did was this thing called IFS and IFS, uh, holds that were made of parts and we got different types of parts that are all trying to protect us, right?
So if you, if you've ever said like a part of me wants to go to the party, a part of me wants to stay home, these are parts and we're all multiple and we all have this core self. That is, uh, knowing and wise and loving and compassionate and creative and all that fun stuff. Does that make sense? How was this for you to do this?
Do you wanna do more of this IFS stuff? And then you might scaffold more knowledge or quote psychoeducation, which I, I hate that term. Um, you, you might offer them more material around IFS, right? So here's a book or a meditation or whatever, a YouTube video. Explaining the model, or here's a YouTube video of a demonstration of someone doing the model.
Like I've got a bunch of demos on the site on YouTube here, [00:07:00] where you can see what the model looks like in action. It's almost more like a guided meditation than therapy, right? So we're used to kind of like talk therapy. This is more of like a guided meditation. How was this? Do you wanna do more of this?
The other way to set it up is just to talk to 'em about IFS and then say, do you wanna try it? And if they wanna try it, then you might say. So we start with what IFS calls a trailhead. Do you wanna focus on that fight you had with your wife? Right? So you could do it that way, right? Or I, it sounds like you're here to deal with your drinking as you focus on your drinking.
Or can you really focus on getting home and being there after work and you've had a really long day and you have that moment where you're like, gosh. Part of me really wants to have a drink. Another part of me is like, you really gotta stop. You've been drinking too much. So you could kind of use a little bit of, um, kind of hypnotic language, helping invite them to slow down, invite them to notice, right?
And you're inviting them to go from focusing on out [00:08:00] there and the problems out there to focusing inside, right? That's what insight work is. And then you're really judging their ability to go inside and to experience their parts. The next stage really in developing IFS with a client is helping them go from just talking about their parts to actually communicating on a two way street with their parts, right?
So that angry one in your chest as you turn toward it. Just let it know that you're here. How does it react to you? Or if you, if you can ask it how old it is, can you just wait until you get a response and it'll, you won't be thinking about it. It's not like a thought. Don't think about it. Just notice if you get a response like 17.
Okay. And then ask it how old it thinks you are. Just wait till you get an answer. Just wait. [00:09:00] 'cause what you're trying to do there, uh, Jill is. You're trying to get them a feel for actual insight work, right? So there's this idea that we have parts, and then the second idea is that we can actually correspond with and communicate with our parts.
And when we're really open to it and we go inside and let them know we're here, they, they talk back and they give us information and they tell us their stories, right? And they may unblend, they may unburden, et cetera. So that, that's kind of how I do it.
I hope that's helpful. Yeah, so that's kind of getting someone oriented to the model if they're kind of newer to it. If I'm starting an IFS session in general, I might start and probably should start with where we were last time. So last time we worked with this part that was angry and the part that felt bad about being angry, as I say, that client.
Which part are you [00:10:00] more aware of? Oh, I'm, I'm more aware of the one that's like, oh, you shouldn't have gotten angry. Okay. Do you want to go toward that one? You wanna get to know that one a little bit, or can you ask inside and just wait till you get an answer? If there's another part that more needs our help today.
So you can do it that way. Everything's an invitation. You're trusting the wisdom of the client's system and that the system will kind of show you the way if you're truly open to being led by it. I hope that's helpful.
IFS is simple but not easy, on the surface, it's about parts and self. But when you're in the room with a client, things can get complex fast. Helping someone meet a protective part or wounded exile, that takes skill and most importantly, it takes safety. My name is John Clark, trauma therapist and IFS therapist, and in this free webinar for therapists and practitioners, we're gonna explore the subtleties that make IFS so powerful and how to navigate them [00:11:00] with more clarity and confidence.
You're gonna learn why safety is everything and how to do it well. What trips therapists up when applying IFS in practice and a simple tool that you can begin using right away. If you want to go beyond theory and truly embody the work, then this is for you. Join the free webinar today. Link is in the description.
Yeah. Um, next question and yeah, for those here, please let me know your next question's here in the chat and I'll keep answering them. Uh, we've got some that we can pull from that people emailed ahead of time, but otherwise, um, uh, yeah, let me know your questions in the chat. Um, Fiona is asking how can we differentiate between just the thought and an actual part showing up?
This is a great question and it kind of dovetails with, um, what I was just talking about, right? Doing real insight work and hearing from parts versus kind of like thinking about parts and analyzing them and saying, I know I have this critical part and I know he does this and I know he's critical because of my [00:12:00] dad and blah, blah, blah.
Right? Um, you could argue that, um. That parts are often the ones kind of expressing thoughts, right? And saying, um, Hey, you're, you're bad, or You're not good at your job, or people are gonna leave you, or whatever, right? Um, parts offer those thoughts and in, in a way, you could think like protectors are the ones that are kind of, uh, uh, where the thoughts come from.
And exiles are the ones that hold the beliefs or the core beliefs. I am bad, I'm worthless. And then the protector goes, what if I'm bad? Well, I should be really good, so I'm gonna work 60 hours a week and make myself super shiny. Right? Um, the other thing I would say, Fiona, is when clients are really doing insight work, it just has a different texture to it.
You can [00:13:00] tell that they are. Getting information directly from the source, AK directly from apart, if that makes sense. Yeah. So that, that's part of what is, uh, quite different about it. It just, it just feels different. Right. And also if a client is like seeming surprised, they're, they're probably doing real insight work, right?
If you go. Okay. Um, and how old is the part? And they go, oh, this one's like 13. Okay. Can you ask it if it's actually 13? And just wait till you get an answer? And then they go, oh. Oh, that's weird. He, yeah, he says he's actually like four, and now he's just kinda looking at me. Oh. And now he's actually looking really young.
Okay. And notice that. And how are you feeling toward him now? Right. And ask him what it's like to have you there. How old does he think you are? And just wait till you get an answer. [00:14:00] Yeah. So again, sometimes we are kind of, uh. Almost doing IFS or we're doing almost insight work and sometimes we're doing real insight work.
And you can see that, uh, there, there's a difference, right? When clients are kind of in their thinking parts or in their thinking brain versus they're relating to their systems and there's a quality and a texture to it, right? There's a warm, fuzzy texture to it when clients are really more in their self energy and really doing.
Doing IFS. Yeah. I hope that helps. Let's go to, uh, the next question.
[00:15:00] Okay. Let's get my questions pulled up here.
Okay. Um, Fiona says, uh, yeah, I think that's really helpful to differentiate between exiles holding beliefs and parts, having thoughts. Yeah. That, that's my kind of, uh, uh, way of. Thinking of it, it helps me to, to kind of think about it that way. Yeah. Cool. I, I'm glad that's helpful.
Okay.
Okay. Let's go to our next question. Thanks for your patience here. Just. Doing a little coordination [00:16:00] on the side here as we get used to this format and this um, this technology. Um, alright, so we've got a question from Lou. This was submitted ahead of time and Lou said, how do you help parts develop trust to communicate and share about themselves?
Yeah. Yeah. How do you help parts develop trust to communicate and share about themselves?
This is a great question. Let's see if I can just post it on my own. Yeah. So, um, it's a relationship, right? It's like any relationship. How would you get a person to feel more comfortable opening up to you? Well, you would make sure they feel seen and heard, and that you don't have an agenda, and that they, that it's safe to open up, right.
When parts and people for that matter, which is the [00:17:00] constant parallel, don't feel safe, right? Then they withdraw, they shut down, they get nervous. So that's kind of how you think about it. And again, if parts are not sharing about themselves, it means I'm, maybe I'm blended with another part and or I don't have enough self-energy to really do.
Right, or to really go go further with it. So it might be blended with another part, or I might need to just generate more self energy and I can generate self energy directly and or I can practice unblending from the other part. Yeah.
Cool.
All right. We've got another question. Uh, this is from Meg. Uh, she says, I've been trained in multiple experiential modalities, including I-F-S-E-M-D-R, coherence [00:18:00] Therapy and A EDP. How do you integrate them?
This is a great question, and, um, there's some research that says most therapists after about seven years of practice work from an integrative. Way, meaning they're, uh, they're integrating multiple models at once and doing them seamlessly, right? Even a single sentence could have multiple modalities behind it.
So what I would say is like before integration, you really gotta get each model down kind of on its own, right? So before I started integrating IFS and EMDR. Doing them together. I, you know, when I learned EMDR 10 years ago, I just focused on doing EMDR and trying to do it as well as I could and as cleanly as I could and buy the book because then I can take it and go, [00:19:00] now I understand the model, I can do it without looking at, you know, the protocol or the cheat sheet.
And I kind of understand what is like. The 20% of the model that's producing 80% of the results. Right. And I can do it fluidly and I can kind of do it my way. And then kind of same thing with IFS. When I learned, when I first started learning IFS, I started using it and um, I tried to use it as purely as I could.
Excuse me. When I did that, it just gave me clarity to, to know, Hey, I'm, I'm gonna try to use this model and use it as purely and as cleanly as I can. And then there was a time in which I could kind of integrate both. It also really depends on what your client wants, right? So you, part of the working agreement with clients is gonna be, um, how do you, what is the issue we're working on and how do you want my help with this issue?
Is it IFS? Is it mdr R? Is it something else? Do you wanna [00:20:00] just talk about it? Right? So depending on the client contract, that's gonna dictate a lot of how you approach these things and how well you can work in an integrative way. There's gotta be shared elements in these, right? So if I'm looking at IFS and mdr, R and A EDP and all this stuff, I've gotta find the commonalities in these.
To be able to, and to really use them integratively, they have to be complimentary to one another and sometimes they're not. Right? On the other hand, let's say you're gonna integrate IFS and CBT, that's one of the easiest ones, right? Again, exiles hold beliefs, protectors have thoughts and distortions, right?
You could argue that if you're just doing CBT, you're doing CBT on protectors and exiles, right? What are your fears around this thing happening? What would it mean if that happened, right? Is there any other possible explanation? Right? Could you actually deal with it if this thing happened? Right?[00:21:00]
Yeah, that's a great question.
Okay. Uh, this question comes from Colin. This was pre-submitted. Again, if you wanna pre-submit or if you wanna join me live. Today or next time, you're just going to email support@johnclarktherapy.com. Collin says, what are some principles from somatic experiencing that can be integrated into an IFS approach to increase safety or support the healing process with clients?
Yeah. Um, I'm a huge fan of sc. It's been a great compliment to my work and to my work with IFS and EMDR and lots of other things. SC is really a bottom up way of approaching the work. It's bottom up processing. Right. So when you think about this fight you had with your partner, how do you notice it in your body?
[00:22:00] What happens in your body or you think about this work meeting? You're worried about what happens in your body when they notice sensation. Then the next step is just to kind of go toward that or go with that.
The two main, uh, principles from my experience in se are titration and pendulation relation. So titration might be, you know, if a client is saying, there's a part of me that's feeling a lot of shame right now. Titration might be, what percentage of that shame are you able to feel from that part that holds the shame?
1% or 2% or 10%. Right. So that would be like titration. Titration would also be like, ask a part to share with you more about this memory, but ask it to share in a way in which it doesn't completely overwhelm you.
So if you have a client with, let's say, chronic pain, you could also [00:23:00] say, uh, you could titrate that as well. So what's it like? Can you just go toward the pain in your right shoulder and be with it for five seconds or 10 seconds, and then just reorient and focus on the rest of your body, or focus on the screen, or focus on me sitting in front of you in the room or whatever.
The Pendulation piece is you might notice the pain in your shoulder, and then can you also shift your focus gently to an area of your body that feels good or neutral. Okay, I'm kind of my feet. Okay, and then can you just slowly alternate between your feet and your shoulder and your feet and your shoulder?
Notice that. What's the quality of the feeling? What's the color, temperature, texture? Does it move around? Does it stay in one place, et cetera.[00:24:00]
Parts often, you know, communicate through the body. So you also just might incorporate the body all the time and say, as you're in touch again with this feeling, this part that's angry, where you notice in your body, I notice it in my chest. And when you focus on it, does it get more intense or less intense?
Does it get hotter or colder, et cetera. Could you let that feeling in your chest speak or speak through you? Or could you bring your hand to it and let you know? Let it know from your hand to your chest. I'm here, I'm listening. Your feelings matter to me. This anger makes sense, right? You could have a client fully embody a part and say, can you move in a way that fully embodies this part or this angry part, or this shut down part?
So show me the posture of being shut down and exaggerate that symptom, and then you might show me, what would your body look like if you were less shut down? Feeling [00:25:00] more courage right now. So they might extend and expand, right, and open up again like this. Notice that, and notice any parts that react when you expand, and then notice the contraction or the collapse again.
So you're just playing in those subtleties, Colin, and that's a way to keep it safe. We're not trying to calm them down. We're just working with the natural subtleties and the dynamics of the nervous system.
I hope that's helpful. Um, yeah, this is pretty fun so far. We've got a bunch of people here live on YouTube, which is neat and also nerve wracking. So I've got parts that are very aware of you all, but also happy to have you here.
Yeah, we'll go for, um, I don't know, maybe 10 more minutes or so. So if you are here and you wanna get a question answered, make sure to put it, um. In the chat while we still have time, Maryanne is, is here live and asking, I've [00:26:00] been a trauma-informed creative somatic therapy program, been in a traumatic informed, trauma-informed creative somatic therapy program.
I'm not familiar to the IFS terms, but is the premise that we invite all parts is, is there then somehow a holistic integration of them all? Yeah, it, it's a great question, Marianne. So. The, some of the core principles of IFS are, yeah, that we're all made of parts, and those parts are governed and led by a cohesive core self, which is kind of like your soul parts.
Um, they become polarized in our system based on intense and overwhelming life experiences. They take on roles that they never really wanted in the first place, and they stay in those roles until further notice, until they're unburdened and self can fully lead the way again. Um, so yeah, the, [00:27:00] the, I think the big goal of IFS is into integration, which is what you had put in your question.
It's integration and self-leadership. So the idea is we all have parts. We're always gonna have parts. The Dick Schwartz take is that we're born with all the parts we'll ever have. But then again, parts become burden over time and based on experiences, overwhelming life experiences. Yeah. So, but when parts are unburdened and fully comfortable in the leadership of self, they tend to.
Sit in the backseat more and they let self drive the bus. So you have more integration in your system and you know what it feels like to be more self-led and you know what it's like to be more blended, right? Yeah. So it is about integration. It is about a self-leadership and it's fluid. No one is a hundred percent in self or a hundred percent in apart at any time.
Yeah, [00:28:00] that's a great question.
Okay, anonymous. I submitted this question. How would you describe the process of therapy?
I'm just gonna take a crack at this because it's fun. And this won't necessarily be an IFS answer to oversimplify it, which I'm a big fan of, oversimplifying everything so I can then understand the nuances of it. Um, the process of therapy is in a safe connection with a therapist. A client has the opportunity to explore their wounds and to re-experience themselves in a different corrective and more adaptive way.
And then internalize those corrective experiences out into their [00:29:00] lives. Now, there's a million ways that we help people do that. Right? When I was working just Psychodynamically, which is my base and my foundation, I was the surrogate attachment figure, right? So my clients would attach to me. Stuff would play out.
And for instance, I had a client early on in my career who was terrified of crying. So nine months into therapy, she cried in front of me and instead of yelling at her and reprimanding her like her dad did when she was little, I was warm and attuned, and I could invite her to look up at me and notice my reaction that I'm warm and attuned.
I'm grateful for her tears not punishing her for her tears. And then I invite her into that interpersonal process and go, what's it like for you to look up and see that? See my non-judgment? What percentage of that can you take in? Right? [00:30:00] And then the hope and the idea is psychodynamically. She can have that corrective emotional experience and take that out into the world and externalize it and then.
Cry with a loved one or a partner or whomever, right? Again, you can easily frame that in IFS terms, right? She had parts that took on this burden and this trauma, and then those parts, you know, she cried in front of me and those parts were looking for my judgment or looking for me to, uh, assault her because she's crying or whatever it is, and I don't, and then the parts.
Learn. Maybe it's not all bad. Maybe we can cry. Maybe our feelings aren't ridiculous. Right? And she externalizes that in IFS. It's just that self is the healing agent. Self is the ultimate attachment figure. Now, in direct access, sometimes therapists has to be the surrogate attachment figure. When you have severe trauma and DID.
And [00:31:00] stuff like that, and client doesn't really have access to self, I might need to be that surrogate attachment figure. So I might intentionally encourage parts of the client to attach to me as a way to build a bridge between the client's self and their parts, but not as the ultimate goal. The process of therapy is, it's messy and weird and surprising, and it's improv and it's jazz.
It's rolling with whatever the client brings. It's developing curiosity and compassion and staying on your toes and being willing to go there with clients. It's taking risks with clients, offering something, offering something of yourself, letting yourself be affected by them and letting them see that it's bringing your humanity to the room instead of trying to check it at the door.
The process of therapy is non-linear. It's [00:32:00] a winding road. Sometimes it doesn't make sense. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Sometimes they never get better, but I believe, and hopefully you believe that. Similar to how when you get a cut in your arm, it starts healing right away. If we create the en right environment for it, we protect the wound, put a bandage on it.
We rest, whatever we need to do. I believe that the psyche has the same healing propensity. The psyche is naturally, uh uh, you know, has momentum toward healing and is self-healing. So therapy leverages that natural self-healing attribute of the psyche.
If you don't believe that, it'd be pretty hard to be a therapist, right? Or pretty exhausting 'cause you think. You're approaching humanity and you're approaching your clients as if they've got something missing or that you have something that they don't or they're here to like get some epic download from you or some wisdom or whatever.[00:33:00]
And a lot of therapists are operating from that place 'cause they're tired and burned out and exhausted and they've got parts that like the power of that, or take the trap onto the trap of like telling the client what they really think or the answers or whatever. But really it's about leveraging the natural self-healing.
Property of that is in US all, which is basically self, but there's a million ways to see it.
Um, maybe I'll do one more if you guys beg me for it. Um, for now, quick plug for our Pathways to Self Membership. This is an online community for you to learn IFS and deepen your work with IFS. With somatic work with EMDR, with with psychodynamics, it's really to deepen your work as a trauma practitioner.
So it's an online community. I've got courses in there, I've got [00:34:00] meditations, I've got demos. And most importantly, I've got a weekly consult call with me and a handful of practitioners where we can work through cases. I do a weekly, um, teaching or technique or meditation and, um, yeah. It's a great program.
You can join anytime. You can cancel at any time. So the link is there on the screen, John Clark therapy.com/pathways. Worst case scenario, you join for a month and don't like it and you leave. Best case scenario is, uh, it's the best investment you've ever made in your work and in yourself. I'll do one more question here and then I'll, I'll hit the road.
Um, Kylie says, I wonder if you could speak a little to your own practice. Noticing your own parts in session and working with them later, whatever that looks like for you. Um, that's a, uh, yeah, that's a really great question. Um, [00:35:00] so. I'm just getting word that someone might wanna join us live for another question, which I'm, I'm happy to do if they show up here on, on our streaming platform.
So, to Kylie's point, this is a huge part of this skill of the therapist and of the IFS therapist is knowing when you've got a part here, knowing when I'm blended. For me the first cue is tension in the body, right? Something happens in session or my personal life and I've got tension, it's in my gut or it's in my chest, it's in my shoulders, my jaw, my head, whatever.
It feels like a tensing, right? It feels like an uhoh or an Oh no, or, and so I'm liable then to be blended with apart. Something I do in session is I just kind of go toward it physically, or I might put a hand there. Or I might just do this internally where I let the part know I'm [00:36:00] here. I hear you. And I ask it to let me lead.
Especially if I need to be this person's therapist right now. Yeah, I hear you. You're here. I'm noticing you. Will you let me lead? Sometimes that's enough for them to unblend. Right. Sometimes they need more than that. Sometimes it's like, Hey, can we talk about this after the session? You know? So sometimes it is working with them later and noticing I got blended there.
Right? Something let's say in a session was feeling like too much. So a part of me blended and said, oh, are my services needed here? Right? And we go, thank you for showing up. Of course you think your services might be needed here. Um, it's okay. I've got the wheel. I can handle this. The adult therapist, me.
Can guide this session, handle this difficult moment or this difficult feedback that I'm getting or whatever, right? And then sometimes the part just needs to see that I've got this right. So you can ask it to soften or [00:37:00] unblend or sit back. Um, my. Teacher, um, uh, Derek Scott would have, like, he would take an item like this AirPods case and put it in his, uh, belt, like behind him or like in his waistband, and have it there just as a somatic cue that like parts can come behind me and let self lead.
So it's like, I know you're here, so you could do something like that. There's a lot of ways to do it.
Yeah. Yeah. Maryanne says blended. Yeah. That's how you would know you're blended versus less blended. Yeah, that's, that's what we're talking about here. Yeah. Yeah, great question. Wow, this is a lot of fun. And also, I'm, I'm ready for a nap. This is, uh, these questions have been great and also putting me to work.
So luckily we've got a bunch more for, for next time already loaded up. Um, if you wanna get your question answered or better yet. If you would be willing to come on live with me, I'd [00:38:00] rather answer these live and get to know you all. So if anyone's courageous enough, uh, let us know.
support@johnclarktherapy.com to set that up for, for two weeks from today, and then starting two weeks from today. I'll be doing this every week at this time, live on on YouTube, so you can either ask questions. Ahead of time by email. You can ask them here in the comments, which is great. Or if you really want brownie points, you could come on the screen live with me and we can work through it live.
So, um, yeah, that's it for now. I hope this was helpful. I have a lot of fun digging through this stuff and really dissecting the work and dissecting therapy and these models and dissecting trauma. So maybe dissecting trauma would be a good name of a show. Who knows? Um. You never know. I'm always thinking, what to rename this show.
Maybe you all know, maybe you can let me know in the comments. If I were to rename the show, what should it be? Or should I keep the name the way it is? I thought about renaming it something more [00:39:00] just trauma focused or like something trauma or trauma therapy. Something to keep it more broad. Even though we took a lot about IFS and it's like mostly an IFS show, but it's also a trauma show.
Um, but also I just tinker with stuff too much and I'm always like changing things. So that's a. I quote, have a part that likes to tinker with things and change it. But my team is probably like, dude, just get over it. Stop changing things on us. Okay. Um, I hope this was helpful. We'll go ahead and push pause for now.
Look forward to seeing you here again. So thanks for being here. Keep in touch, take care.
Thanks for listening to another episode of Going Inside. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe wherever you're listening or watching, and share your favorite episode with a friend. You can follow me on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok at johnclarketherapy and apply to work with me one-on-one at johnclarketherapy.com.
See you next time.